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you don't know shit bout

by Saint Wellesley

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1.
shopping for coffins i shouldn't have told you at all i text you, you call me, i ignore it please dont break my fall toronto born, toronto bred, and one day i'll be toronto dead toronto born, toronto bred, and one day i'll be toronto dead a man in a pea coat and a top hat he stands at his door he says 'lil lady, so soon? what brings you to my store?' i say 'oak is no good, mahogany is no better the newspaper said you would be my abettor' and maybe ive come to the wrong place entirely outside the store you are waiting for my quietly 'you're a coward, you're a punk, not a poet, you're pathetic' and i know im apathetic but i swear im apologetic but i dont know the right words to say how im feeling and im sorry, this is no place for me and im leaving toronto born, toronto bred, and one day i'll be toronto dead toronto born, toronto bred, and one day i'll be toronto dead toronto born, toronto bred, and one day i'll be toronto dead toronto born, toronto bred, and one day i'll be toronto dead
2.
dysphoria 02:40
binding my chest and biting my tongue wearing boxers never fixed anyone biking on bloor could have had me beaten its a risk ill take i feel so defeated dysphoria, dysphoria, dysphoria, dysphoria and this is the last time ill allow my ribs to be swollen and ill grow out my hair and pretend i dont care and maybe my ribs are broken being young and gay is romantic and upsetting explaining why you love someone to god, she keeps forgetting she said 'gender is a universe and we are all stars' and i believed her, because this planet is bigger than us someday we'll leave her dysphoria, dysphoria, dysphoria, dysphoria and this is the last time ill allow my ribs to be swollen and ill get a lil thin but ill feel better in my skin and baby, my ribs dont feel broken this body's made for loving its not a place for betting lets run around and get all sweaty i wanna feel myself get healthy dysphoria's a b*tch i wanna kick her in a ditch its not fair to wanna itch all of the places that don't fit dysphoria, dysphoria and this is the last time ill allow my ribs to be swollen
3.
4.
verklempt 02:01
i wish i never fell in love at 17 she broke my heart but she taught me how to dream maybe i wouldnt have learned that by myself self learnings important, i think it wouldve helped lifes a series of moments we know cant be wasted theres movies and music and food to be tasted and volkswagen vans to run into while walking and thrift stores on queen st for all that good shopping space and the ocean will make you feel like youre floating gravity will surprise you, dont let it stop you from going space and the ocean will make you feel like youre floating gravity will surprise you, dont let it stop you from growing no more saying sorry for being too human or thinking youre boring or stupid or useless youre not like your parents, thank god you never will be we're alive, we're trying, we're good at existing space and the ocean will make you feel like youre floating gravity will surprise you, dont let it stop you from going space and the ocean will make you feel like youre floating gravity will surprise you, dont let it stop you from growing
5.
nights are empty without you, im stumblin' home streetlights and strangers, oh god im alone im a ghost in your garden, wonderin' if your home ive got no place to be, no better space i could roam a mother of thousands gets busy, i know but im the moon cactus youre dying to hold i think its my time to leave, but a spine rips my sheet and im left wishing i was more warm so i knock on your door, im expecting a corpse but youre human, you make me feel whole 'theres a ghost in my garden, i beg your pardon youve been out here the whole night, youre cold!' with tears in my eyes, you take me in, take me in take me in, i start to unfold take me in, take me in take me in, take me in i start to unfold take me in, take me in take me in, take me in i start to unfold
6.
nobody comes here by accident look in the windows, youll see white men doing taxes and wives in the kitchen, burning their dinners upstairs, their daughter comes close to being a sinner cause she loves him shed do anything for him but he thinks shes boring and hes fu*king her best friend in the morning between the bacon and eggs lies resentment and deception because everythings fake dadadDaDaDddadda this gated community doesnt want you, you ruin it dadadDaDaDddadda this gated community doesnt want you, you ruin it with your cigarette butts n your trash ass remarks you hang out with your friends late at night in the park you make us all so uncomfortable, call me wasteful and punchable cause im not like the carbon copy of your stupid neighbourhood dadadDaDaDddadda this gated community doesnt want you, you ruin it dadadDaDaDddadda this gated community doesnt want you, you ruin it
7.
of all of the islands, you were my favourite you gave me me your sand in a jar and i saved it when the waves hit your shore, i saw you get impatient you sent them away, this is not a vacation with grace, shell kill you, shell leave scratches on your bones shell tell you what you need to hear to make you feel at home 'captain, oh captain!' i cry as hes smoking says 'baby in rome, we must do like the romans' im hoping the ocean will heal what is broken captain, oh captain, please keep this boat floating captain, oh captain, please keep this boat floating tell me youre disappointed like itd hurt me darling, its not the first time ive heard it if i tell youve hurt me, you dont decide if you didnt youll have to try harder to become a martyr 'captain, oh captain!' i cry as hes smoking says 'baby in rome, we must do like the romans' im hoping the ocean will heal what is broken captain, oh captain, please keep this boat floating captain, oh captain, please keep this boat floating

credits

released December 15, 2016

written and performed by caroline mauro
produced by Schaefer @ ryerson!!

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Saint Wellesley Toronto, Ontario

queer young feelings

5% of sales going to trans charities. This month is LGBT Rain City Housing in Vancouver.

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